I updated the “Performance” section with the latest thing I did, “Nature-Morte”. A couple of projects were added to the “Unsorted” list, which was a bit too outdated.
Summer is burning a hole in my head and although I get plenty of vitamin D or whatever you get from sunlight, I don’t seem to be lightened up, not at all. I have a bunch of weird melodies spinning in my head and no time to record them. I’ve got plenty of things on my “to do” list and that makes me hectic and paranoid.
Yesterday I was walking back to my parents place while the sun was sinking into the horizon line. The red and the orange were the colors of the light all over the lake. Perhaps it was one of the first times that I came to realize that the thing I feel nostalgic for, the place that I long for, does not exist. I can wander a lifetime, I won’t find that ideal time-space, which secludes me from all that is fussy and messy and keeps me safe. These are the moments from my childhood I long for – when the air would be yellow, because the sun is so close that only a thin layer of clouds separates me from it. Or perhaps these are the moments I’ve dreamt, and forgot that they were merely a dream.
I feel as if my being, my whole time is fractured and unstable, as if a puzzle constructed in between the train carriages, forget the IC or any other kind of super-trains, you remember those funny stunningly old trains that squeak and give the impression they are gonna fall in pieces any moment now? It doesn’t matter anyway. The puzzle is falling apart, and pieces are being scattered all over the place.
And “Nature-Morte” was about many things so it kindda sums up the way I feel right now. It was about us seeking stable ground during earthquake, it was about having “strong ideas and ideals”, it was about the situation of contemporary art, it was about situation of a contemporary artist, the juxtapositions of markets and souls, about contemporary art as a crime scene, about signing in blood for what you believe it, about the dialogue and silence, about the relativity of time, values and words, about me and us I guess.